Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Wilson Mizner No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 12. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 146. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 218. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. "Your mistakes don't define you.". 1. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. A gummy bear. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. 31. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 232. 149. Not everyone has good taste. 163. 9. We have a connection. 1. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. - F. 224. I never apologize. - Catherine Pulsifer. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Ive been doing nothing for years. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. 29. 125. But then again so does . After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. We'll get to that later. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. Because it was soda pressing. You were too lazy to read that number. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 6. I train my body. Never take life seriously. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. - Bette Midler. I will go out. Im like a postage stamp. 209. 14. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 93. 142. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 264. I always find something funny in every situation. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. We frequently doubt ourselves. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. I am grateful for all that I have. What do computers eat for a snack? 102. In the morning, I cant get up. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 267. Who cares about the future? 47. 146. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. I draw from my inner strength and light. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Robert A. Heinlein 194. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. I am intelligent. 274. no rich foods. The library, because it has so many stories. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 267. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 167. I am on a seafood diet. Happiness is a choice. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 188. 2. I am attractive just as I am. Stuart Turner, 247. 196. 2. 208. In between, I am alive. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. 273. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. 72. 5. Jackie Collins 127. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. 6. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 10. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. It may feel useless but just get into it. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Bill Murray Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. When nothing is going right, go left. I tell you what always catches my eye. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. 153. Envelope. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Art doesnt transform. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Alison Boulter. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 155. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Honolulu, its got everything. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Chris Rock, 256. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 217. I am quite fascinating. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 222. 240. 140. 163. You can only be young once. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. You try again, but no sound is coming out. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 167. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 229. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 151. 268. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Unknown. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] 144. Not everyone has to like me. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 233. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Raimonda.B. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Happy Birthday.". 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Albert King. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Sincerely, yourself. 205. 278. 78. 211. He who laughs last didnt get it. 5. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. How do you count cows? I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 219. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 123. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 135. 1. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. At night, I cant fall asleep. 38. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Its called tomorrow. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. New year, new me. Lily Tomlin Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Enjoy! I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! 169. 80. Today, I am thankful for this week. 139. 183. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. My jokes do. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 118. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Only two more days until Friday.". 28. There are endless opportunities. Because they make up everything. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 182. Life always offers you a second chance. 40. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. It has nothing new to tell you. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 113. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 171. 150. 208. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 266. 130. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. I can do this. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? It's OK to take a break. 105. Today I was a hero. 270. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 97. Steve Martin Flip Wilson Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Learn sign language, its very handy. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Send me the link. 243. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Czech proverb Jonathan lockwood huie. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. When life closes a door, just open it again. Stuart Turner A backbone. I am my childs greatest comfort. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. 150. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 39. 7. 68. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 230. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Its okay, he woke up. 9. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Read the first word again. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 53. Live life to the fullest. 170. Robert Bloch Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Bill Murray Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. 64. What do computers eat for a snack? Dave Barry Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 33. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Enjoy! Any text will do. 121. I see food, and I eat it. 147. I believe in what's possible for me. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. avoid carbs. Because seven ate nine. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Lily Tomlin, 242. I feel great. 1. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. I just go normal from time to time. 17. 5. - Roy T. Bennett. Bill Murray 185. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? My liver still works. 242. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 7. When they go away, its a brighter day. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Enjoy! I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Frances McDormand, 42. Chris Rock It has nothing new to tell you. 276. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 192. Hi! Steve Martin, 254. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Learn sign language, its very handy. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. Erma Bombeck. I am constantly growing and improving. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Hes dreaming too. 4. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 54. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. When nothing is going right, go left. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Really? 124. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 18. What do I do for a living? Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Alison Boulter A wishbone. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I am lazy till I get a motive. Not everyone has good taste. It makes them so damned mad. Its okay if people dont like me. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Swimming trunks. Ive been doing nothing for years. 278. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 1. What is Mozart doing right now? 98. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. Funny Friday Quotes. I receive what I believe. 27. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 70. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. And get over it. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. 63. 1. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Edward A. Murphy. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Really? Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". Benjamin Franklin. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Description for this block. East 21. 138. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Keep your affirmations in the present. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. My mistakes dont define me. 3. 143. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N It doesnt work if it is not open. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know 2. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? I am grateful for that time. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Some people are like clouds. 184. 41. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Paul Ehrlich 27. Enjoy! Sincerely, yourself., 2. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. 236. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. 261. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Words have the power to make or break us. 10. 191. It gets toad away. 227. 269. 214. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 276. 84. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 120. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Sometimes the M is silent. Your email address will not be published. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 20. 155. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Helen Giangregorio 99. Can February march? As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. 190. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Love your enemies. The rest are too expensive. I am too lazy to be lazy. 133. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. Life begins on Friday night. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Not me, but somebody does. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Good morning! 11. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Love your enemies. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 1. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. happy. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. I honor that time. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 83. 156. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
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